Saturday, January 9, 2016

You Know the Feeling of Not Being a Good Enough Mother?

I sure do.

This month I am teaching an eCourse on Child’s Play :: the Wellspring of Life, as the monthly focus topic in my Program Celebrate the Rhythm of Life for homeschoolers, homemakers and anyone seeking to create a soulful life with children. 

As I was working through some thoughts and writings for this class, a picture, one that  helped me to better understand and “see" the young child, kept coming to mind from my own childrens' toddler days, as I was trying to find words to explain an aspect of movement and play during ages and stages to the class. 

I knew the illustration was in one of these little books from the Gesell Institute of Child Development. 

What I could remember is that the illustration shows clearly how children move from activity to activity at various ages and stages of development, and then slow down into more focused and extended play. I went to visit that book shelf of mine, where I keep my collection of these little books. It’s a place that does not have so many visits from me anymore.

I began to thumb through them, settling in and chuckling as I read bits of text. So many fond and funny memories came up that reminded me of the good feelings I had whenever I went to these little books with a question or concern. They were like a wise trusted friend to me with their common sense and guidance. I always heaved a big sigh of relief in realizing that I was not alone with my concerns and in learning that my child’s behavior and my feelings about were completely normal and to be expected. These little guides helped me know that others grope with these situations too.

These little guides brought me back to feeling grounded as a mother and helped me remember that “Yes, I am a good enough Mom,” and “My children are healthy, normal children. They are going to turn out just fine."

Here’s an example of what I’m talking about, from Your Four Year Old, by Louise Bates Ames and Frances Ilg:

“And we have the (supposedly true) story of a little Boston girl whose mother, discouraged by her profanity, told her that if she swore once more, she (the mother) would pack the girl’s suitcase and ask her to leave home. The girl did swear once more. The mother did pack the suitcase and put her and it outside the door. After a few minutes, feeling guilty, the mother went to look for her daughter. The child was still sitting on the steps.

'I thought I told you to leave home,' said the mother. 'I would have if I could have thought of where the Hell to go,' was her daughter’s reply.” 

In the back section of the book, there are Questions from parents. 

Here are a few examples:

Mother Can’t Stand Her Four Year-Old

Four Year Olds Don’t Always Tell the Truth

There’s Nothin Wrong with Having an Imaginary Companion

Wonderful gems these are, full of assurance and holding a broad spectrum of normal behavior in children, something that is a rare gift and can be hard to find these days.

Do you have people, books or situations in your life that reassure you that you are just fine, your children are normal and all will be well?

Please share in the comments below. We all need to uplift each other and remind ourselves that mothering and children encompass a broad spectrum of feelings and behaviors and its all good.


  1. I LOVE this post Lisa! My daughter is 3.5 years old right now and going through, well... everything! What helps for me is comparing notes with my parent-friends that have children the same age. It helps to take the edge off and find the humor in challenging behavior when you can stand around in the park and trade stories! I just ordered a used copy of "Your Three Year Old"- it looks like such a gem, thank you. I compare this age to "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde", so I can tell by the title of the book that I'm going to like it ;)

  2. AS for me I think that almost every mother thinks she's a bad one even if it is not a true. I had a little bit problematic relations with mom while being a child and a teenage cause we have a different tempers at all and points of view. That made us a lot of problems though I 'm a grown up now and I can say our relations are really good.

  3. Interestingly, I find a lot of the feelings of not being good enough come from me rather than others! Although I do know a fee 'supermum' types which doesn't help!

    I have been trying to contact you re the payment plan for the living curriculum. I am very keen to sign up and get started. Please could you email me details to naomiDOTclaxtonATliveDOTcoDOTuk apologies for the odd format of writing out email address but it means my email address can't get harvested by programmes which scan comments looking for them!

  4. Do you think the January is too close to being over to benefit from your January ebook and rhythm plan? I'm just finding you


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